The 2 most common blocks to having the relationships you want and how to eliminate them using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
The most common block to creating intimate relationships is one that we all feel at some time in our lives…
…the belief that we are not good enough to create intimate relationships we want or that we are not lovable enough to have someone of our choosing to love us. This can be healed by working with each limiting belief that we have acquired from painful experiences from childhood. I will explain how to do this in the next section when I talk about removing the emotional pull of impossible attractions.
The other thing that causes us to miss out on having a fulfilling relationship is that we are compelled to choose people who will bring us pain rather than pleasure. And you may be wondering why we would do that. It is an unconscious choice we make. We form an image in our mind in childhood of our ideal partner based on the good and bad traits of a parent. For example if you had a parent who was critical of you and no matter how hard you tried to please them they withheld love and approval from you, you may be attracted to partners who are critical of you and can’t really see your good traits.
Here’s an Exercise to find a negative trait from a parent that you were hutrt of affected by. Write down the most painful (to you) trait of one of your parents that had a strong emotional pull for you. It could be a critical and withholding parent, a violent or angry parent a parent who played the helpless victum role with you and you felt compelled to rescue that parent much of the time. If you spent much of your energy resuing and caretaking a parent who played a victim role, you will probably attract many victim types into your life. Playing the caretaking role can become very familiar and comfortable if you learned to play that role as a child.
Identify negative traits in your parents.
1. Identify the 1 or 2 negative traits that you suffered from the most with either parent. 2. Notice if your past partners had any of these traits. This can be very subtle but you will find these traits in people you have attracted into your life. I call these Impossible attractions.
To eliminate the pull of impossible attractions:
First Feel the pain of the wound from the rejection of a parent and use EFT to heal and release the old pain by tapping on the EFT meridians while simply feeling this old pain. Tapping on the pain moves the painful feelings through the body. Then use EFT with “inner child work” to give the wounded part the loving , compassion, and understanding it needed…repairing the original wound. When you release the pain and heal up the hole made by the original wound, you can stop attracting people who will re-injure that original wound, while hoping that they will meet those earlier needs that were un met.
Pain holds limiting beliefs about ourselves in place.
We want to learn to meet our own needs. The paradox here is that when we can heal our own pain and not depend on a partner to do it, we will have lots of partners who will want to do it for us. This type of self reliance is something people are very attracted to- it feels very free.
By using a tapping sequence for relationships you can lessen or remove your tendency to recreate the same impossible relationships, thud for releasing the blocks to finding and allowing in love. This works in part because it addresses all the obstacles that are causing the problem. Only after we have acknowledged something, can we change it. After acknowledging the problem then this process taps the negative beliefs with their accompanying feelings away.
Listen or download a 5 minute EFT instruction for tapping away anxiety FREE Audio Download
Remove emotional pain quickly with a technique you can do yourself in just minutes. With skilled guidance, you can not only remove emotional pain quickly, but also remove physical pain quickly.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is one of the Energy Therapies for emotional release that Susan uses at her Los Angeles office. It’s short-term therapy, with clients reporting almost instant improvement.
Since this removes feelings that have caused low self esteem and depression, it is a tool everyone can use on an everyday basis to help with low self esteem, relationship problems, depression, PTSD, fear and anxiety disorders, eating disorders or debilitating negative beliefs, controlling-anger issues and more.
EFT works great with children.
I teach EFT to families so that each one can use it when they need it-because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing anxiety and other emotions. The most amazing thing about EFT is that clearing these fears removes scary and self-limiting beliefs that have been driving people their whole lives.
How to Do EFT
Emotional Freedom Therapy was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT).
EFT works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupressure, relief comes in part from stimulating the meridians. But instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80% of people achieve either noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem.
These methods work by triggering sub-cortical activity below the level of conscious control (in the amygdala and hippocampus). The intensity of emotional responses are also reduced. A body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits of EFT are real.
Remove emotional pain quickly – with a technique you can do yourself, one that you can learn in just minutes!
With skilled guidance, you can not only remove emotional pain quickly, but also remove physical pain quickly.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is one of the new EnergyTherapies that Susan Quinn employs at her Los Angeles office. It’s short-term therapy, with clients reporting almost instant improvement. Some report full recovery from emotional and physical pain. EFT is also helpful for removing the cravings of addictions such as alcohol and drugs.
Once she began exploring the new Power Therapies 15 years ago , Susan Quinn has been integrating EFT with EMDR and uses this combinations with children, adolescents and even with couples.
Works with Families and Children
EFT
“I teach EFT to all my clients, even children,” says Susan Quinn, “because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing anxiety and other emotions.The most amazing thing about EFT is that even in times when unexpected emotions arise, such as fear or anxiety, a person has a toolbox to use and knows how to reduce their fear.”
It doesn’t matter whether your goal is to remove emotional pain quickly or remove physical pain quickly. The short-term therapy of EFT can bring relief from phobias, depression, grief, rape, natural disasters, crime, childhood sexual abuse, post traumatic stress and more.
Although Power Therapy methods differ in emphasis and approach, all work by interrupting old habits and reflexes that were established around the painful incidents.
“The beliefs that have the most power are unconscious, so they have to be carefully teased out,” Susan Quinn says. “But these techniques provide tangible relief from the time they’re tried for most people.”
What is EFT?
EFT tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) belong to a family of therapies that offer clinically effective alternatives to traditional, long-term treatments. These Power therapies usually require 6 to 12 sessions to relieve symptoms and the results are usually permanent.
Each short-term therapy can remove emotional pain quickly, remove physical pain quickly, and provide noticeable relief from negative emotions and trauma by rewiring neural pathways in the brain.
The painful reactions are replaced with non-distressful, more appropriate responses. The client almost immediately experiences a reduction in intensity of the distress.
These methods work by triggering sub-cortical activity below the level of conscious control (in the amygdala and hipocampus). The intensity of emotional responses are also reduced. A body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits are real.Fortunately, a person doesn’t have to believe in these techniques for them to work.
How to Do EFT
Emotional Freedom Therapy was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT). A TFT therapist followscomplex tapping sequences (protocols) for numerous symptoms. By contrast, EFT taps on the same meridian points on the face and body for every problem.
EFT Tapping
EFT tapping works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupuncture, relief comes in part from stimulating the meridians. But instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80% of people achieve either noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem.
Solution Focused Therapy was developed in a therapy setting and widely used for therapy since the 1980’s.
In the last decade it has become popular for coaching, so we now have solution focused coaching .
It is unlike many traditional therapies in that it focuses purely on the desired situation or goal.
People and especially therapists have been trained to look for the problem and to analyze it to bring about a change or the desired goal.
Solution Focused Therapy Techniques
Solution Focused therapy will not allow much discussion of the problem and only looks at what will be happening when the desired situation is already happening (the goal) and what will the client be doing to bring about these changes. Once the client can see or visualize clearly the desired situation, the therapist then asks the client,”what small step will you take this week to achieve this goal. The client always knows what is needed to achieve the goal, but maybe not in a conscious way. The solution focused therapist helps to draw out this information from a position of being a half step behind the client. The client always has the “knowing” but needs the therapist to focus him on the desired state or condition and break it down into small doable goals. The client then commits to a goal (tiny step) that he will accomplish by the next session.
This works to get results, or the desired change because we tend to create more of what we focus on. As explained in the law of attraction writings, our state of mind and focus draw to us that which we are dwelling upon. This causes viscious cycles of downward spirals which keep people feeling stuck and helpless, focusing on and analyzing their problems.
This focus on problems is particularly harmful with couples because couples typically come into therapy focusing on what’s wrong with the other person. In fact, the main motivation for couples coming into therapy is probably to try to get the other person to change. Focusing on changing the partner causes power struggles and the partner often will dig in his heels and become even more intent on not changing, because after all he is” right”.
One of the principles of Solution Focused therapy is that change is always happening. In solution focused therapy we direct the client to look at when things are better and exceptions to the problem. Clients are usually surprised when asked to focus on what’s working, that there are actually times when the problem is not present. By looking at the problem free times the client can start to become aware of what he/she is doing differently. Once they are looking for these behaviors in themselves, the very act of looking for those times causes the mind to focus on and strengthen the positive aspects.
Want to Make a Positive Change Now?
Try this strategy out for yourself.
Think of a problem that you want to eliminate
Focus on the success you want instead. Ask yourself, “What do I want instead of the problem? How will I know I have this and what will be different? What will I be doing different when I have achieved this success?”
Look for what is a situation where success has already happened in the past. What caused this success ? What were you doing differently? How were you able to do that?”
What is one thing you did to cause this success in the past that you could carry forward and do again now? Commit to taking one small step this week and see what happens.
Recent years have seen the development of a family of therapies that offer clinically effective alternatives to traditional, long-term treatments. These Power Therapies only require one to three sessions, but the results are usually permanent. Each of them provides noticeable relief from negative emotions, pain, and trauma by “rewiring neural pathways” in the brain.
It doesn’t matter whether the pain suffered is physical or emotional. These methods bring relief from fears and traumas such as: phobias, depression, grief, rape, natural disasters, crime, childhood sexual abuse, and post traumatic stress. Although their methods differ from each other in emphasis and approach, Power Therapies all work by interrupting old habits and reflexes that were established around the painful incidents.
Painful reactions are replaced with non-distressful ones. These methods work by triggering brain activity below the level of conscious control. Emotional intensity also goes down. Relieving lifelong problems in moments seem to defy logic. But a body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits are real. Fortunately, a person doesn’t have to believe in these techniques for them to work.
How does EFT work?
EFT is Easy Enough for a Person to Learn to Do in Minutes
It doesn’t matter whether their pain results from something recent or from long ago. Or whether or not the cause is known. EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) works on both the emotional level and the physical level. The mind focuses on the pain or problem at the same time that another response is introduced, whereby a neutral response replaces a painful one.
Everyone suffers from self-limiting fears to some extent. But some people are paralyzed by them. From my experience, the most powerful fears are the unconscious ones. During the tapping sequence with my clients, after one fear gets cleared, another one comes up to be healed.
Once people learn how the tapping is done, it’s simple enough for them to use on themselves whenever they sense fear or pain. Find more information at my website, or at Gary Craig’s extensive EFT website, http://www.emofree.com He offers a free, downloadable instruction manual on that site, with tons of how-to and case studies.
EFT Always Taps Exactly the Right Place.
It was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT). TFT therapists follow complex tapping sequences (protocols) for numerous symptom categories. By contrast, EFT taps on the same meridian points on the face and body for every problem.
Rather than focusing on the traumatic memories (as with most talk-it-out therapies), EFT addresses the true cause, the disruption of the body’s energy system. It’s unnecessary for a person to relive the painful memories.
EFT Tapping works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupuncture, relief comes (in part) from stimulating the meridians. Only, instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80 percent of people achieve noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem, through EFT Tapping Points.
EFT Applies the Same Steps to Any Negative Emotion
Craig’s system is based on the concept, “The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.” He reasons, since every negative emotion has the same cause (an electrical disruption – a “zzzzzt”) they can all be relieved in a similar manner. It’s unnecessary to focus on diagnosis (or delve into the old wounds) to be successful with EFT.
EFT Simplified Sequence:
1. Identify the problem 2. Apply the Basic Recipe 3. Relief – Complete; Partial; None 4. Test and re-apply if necessary 5. Apply Adjusted Basic Recipe
Each element must be performed precisely as described, and in the proper order. Every round of tapping takes about one minute. Tapping can be done by either hand, on either side of the body. Tap solidly with the index and middle finger on the each tapping point about seven times.
The Basic Recipe Starts with the Setup
The person starts by identifying their fear, negative emotion, or trauma.
The Setup Sentence
“Even though I have this __________, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Fill in the blank with a short phrase about the problem being addressed, for example: “anger toward my father” or “nightmares.” Sometimes a person can’t “accept themselves,” so we might tap on just that at first – as in, “Even though I can’t accept myself for this and I hate myself right now, I am willing to be willing to accept myself.”
Repeat the statement out loud three times, while simultaneously tapping the “karate chop” point on the side of the hand (or two specific points on the chest). The “karate chop” point (abbreviated KC) is located at the side of the hand about an inch below the baby finger. Vigorously tap the point with the fingertips of the index finger and middle finger of the other hand. While either hand will work, it’s usually most convenient to tap the KC of the non-dominant hand with the fingers of the dominant hand.
This is followed by the Sequence of tapping again. Modify the Setup statement, based on the new issue(s) that might present itself. Then tap another round. Do as many rounds as necessary until the problem is gone. That may require several sessions.
EFT
Example of a Client Session
For my clients, I combine EFT with hypnosis and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing – another Power Therapy). Treatments are custom tailored to each person’s particular needs. My success rate is over 80% of clients reporting 60% to 100% reduction of symptoms after treatment.
PROBLEM: A woman in her 30’s is afraid to have some mandatory surgery. She’s terrified of them putting the anesthetic tube down her throat, as in a previous surgery.
FEELING or BELIEF:” I will choke to death” (the belief). FEAR is the feeling. On a scale of one to ten, she rated the fear a ten, as she recalled the last operation (when she thought she was choking from the tube).
First, EMDR (another Power Therapy) lowered the fear. She said after processing with the Eye Movements that the fear went down to a level seven. The belief was, I will be alone (and die that way).
EFT Tapping Points:
When we started EFT Tapping, I had her tap the set-up point on the hand and say with me three times: “Even though I am afraid I will be left alone to die, and that I am helpless, and I judge myself for having this fear, I completely accept myself right now.”
We did one round of tapping on “This FEAR.” Then she reported feeling cold and alone. She remembered a skiing accident when she was lost in the snow for a few hours (where she felt she was surely going to die alone).
We tapped on different aspects of this incident for several rounds. Then she recalled other fears she’s had in her life, which we tapped on. Then we tapped on the humiliation she’s felt for having certain fears. Events that are attached to the same feeling (this type of fear) all come up, one after another.
After we had tapped on each one until it was gone, she measured her level of disturbance around that issue. It was now down to a two. We tapped on “this remaining fear” and it came down to a zero.
Then she made a deep sigh, and her face registered a sense of relief and peace. The new belief: “I am strong and have survived many things that would kill most people.” We tapped this belief in with several rounds. This strengthens the belief even more.
What was the process?
We went back to the memory of the FIRST operation, where she got her tube phobia. She focused on this memory (and checked inside her body for the feeling that went with it). She reported she felt no fear at all.
I had her “run a movie” in her mind of this first operation, from beginning to end; and at the same time, she was to monitor her body for any feeling of fear. I asked her to tell me if she felt any sense of fear as she recounted the experience in detail. At one place in her story, she felt fear of about six. After several rounds of tapping on this, the fear went to zero. We then repeated this process with her “running a movie” of the original experience in her mind. This time she got all the way through the story with no feelings of fear. At the next session the fears were at zero as well.
Two later sessions Future Paced how she’d deal with the surgery with her family and office mates. Future Pacing is a way to create the behavior we want to have in a future situation, through imagery enhanced with EMDR and EFT.
What happened after the session?
She called me several months later to report that she’d gone through the surgery with very little fear. When she felt some fear, she tapped on it using EFT. And it went away. She was grateful for the work we did, because she was also able to ride the train to San Diego with her husband (something she’d never been able to do).
Eliminate Everyday Fear and Frustrations as they Arise
The most amazing thing about EFT – clearing these fears removes scary and self-limiting beliefs that have been driving a person their whole life. The beliefs that have the most power are unconscious, so they have to be carefully teased out. EFT can even be used with relationship issues.
I teach these simple-to-learn EFT techniques to all my clients, including children (who are very good at this) because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing their anxiety and other negative emotions. People who learn to discharge their fears right away are pleased to discover they don’t have to be afraid of them any more.
EFT
