EFT, intimate relationships, Impossible Relationships

Break Free From Impossible Relationships with EFT

The 2 most common blocks to having the relationships you want and how to eliminate them using EFT (Emotional  Freedom Techniques).

The most common block to creating intimate relationships is one that we all feel at some time in our lives…

…the belief that we are not good enough to create intimate relationships we want or that we are not lovable enough to have someone of our choosing to love us. This can be healed by working with each limiting belief that we have acquired from painful experiences from childhood. I will explain how to do this in the next section when I talk about removing the emotional pull of impossible attractions.

The other thing that causes us to miss out on having a fulfilling relationship is that we are compelled to choose people who will bring us pain rather than pleasure.  And you may be wondering why we would do that.  It is an unconscious choice we make.  We form an image in our mind in childhood of our ideal partner based on the good and bad traits of a parent.  For example if you had a parent who was critical of you and no matter how hard you tried to please them they withheld love and approval from you, you may be attracted to partners who are critical of you and can’t really see your good traits.

Here’s an Exercise to find a negative trait from a parent that you were hutrt of affected by. Write down the most painful (to you) trait of one of your parents that had a strong emotional pull for you. It could be a critical and withholding parent, a violent or angry parent a parent who played the helpless victum role with you and you felt compelled to rescue that parent much of the time. If you spent much of your energy resuing and caretaking a parent who played a victim role, you will probably attract many victim types into your life. Playing the caretaking role can become very familiar and comfortable if you learned to play that role as a child.

Identify negative traits in your parents.

1. Identify the 1 or 2 negative traits that you suffered from the most with either parent.
2. Notice if your past partners had any of these traits. This can be very subtle but you will find these traits in people you have attracted into your life. I call these Impossible attractions.

To eliminate the pull of impossible attractions:

First Feel the pain of the wound from the rejection of a parent and use EFT to heal and release the old pain by tapping on the EFT meridians while simply feeling this old pain. Tapping on the pain moves the painful feelings through the body. Then use EFT with “inner child work” to give the wounded part the loving , compassion, and understanding it needed…repairing the original wound. When you release the pain and heal up the hole made by the original wound, you can stop attracting people who will re-injure that original wound, while hoping that they will meet those earlier needs that were un met.

Pain holds limiting beliefs about ourselves in place.

We want to learn to meet our own needs. The paradox here is that when we can heal our own pain and not depend on a partner to do it, we will have lots of partners who will want to do it for us. This type of self reliance is something people are very attracted to- it feels very free.

By using a tapping sequence for relationships you can lessen or remove your tendency to recreate the same impossible relationships, thud for releasing the blocks to finding  and allowing in love. This works in part because it addresses all the obstacles that are causing the problem. Only after we have acknowledged something, can we change it. After acknowledging the problem then this process taps the negative beliefs with their accompanying  feelings away.

Relationship Success

Relationship Success Depends on our Unconscious Agreements

Unspoken agreements are the agreements that we do not speak, but they play out in our lives. They are agreements that we make with ourselves, another person, or group as a way to get love, attention, or to feel safe.

From the time that Kathy married Bob, she took the back seat in their interactions by trying to please him and not focusing on her needs or her growth. His needs were the priority for both of them. He was a successful accountant who worked very hard to move up in his accounting firm. She stayed at home because that was what he wanted her to do.

He never asked her what she wanted to do. When she would praise him or do things to enhance his career and his social standing in the community, he would show satisfaction with her. For the first eight years of their marriage, her purpose in life was to get his approval. The unspoken agreement was “I’ll be lesser than you and in exchange, you will love me”.

As time want on, Kathy became stronger and more aware of her own value as a person. She realized that she wanted a career for herself and enrolled in a PHD program in psychology.

This brought about a change in their relationship causing cracks in the bridge. A relationship is a bridge. Dr. Bruce Fisher, in his book “Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends,” compares a relationship to a bridge. The relationship is the horizontal part of the bridge that connects two people who are the foundations of the bridge at either end.

The foundations must be strong to support the bridge. If one of the foundations shifts or changes then the bridge develops cracks. If not dealt with, these cracks will result in the breakup of the relationship.

Change is always happening as long as we are alive. If you deny, or resist these changes the relationship will either become strained and lose the good feelings which were there in the beginning, or it will break apart.

Each person must work on his/her own personal growth to have a healthier relationship with self. He/she also needs to understand the needs of the partner. Then the couple must work out which needs they want to meet separately and which ones they want to work out with their partner. This is a main reason why people end relationships and is something that CAN be worked out.

If you don’t take responsibility of meeting some of your needs, you will end up blaming your partner for your unhappiness and failing to support your partner in their pursuits. It doesn’t have to end this way

The paradoxical fact of relationships is that we pair with people who express our opposite or complementary tendencies. For example, Kathy and Bob had a pattern of Giver/Taker as the way they related to each other. That worked well at first, but when Kathy shifted what she wanted, she broke the original agreement.

These agreements are not spoken and certainly are not conscious, but they are fastidiously acted out in the daily life of the couple. This shift in her foundation of the bridge caused irreparable cracks in their relationship and they divorced.

It doesn’t have to end this way, although this is what we see much of the time. If both people are willing to look at what they expect and the roles they have been cast in from childhood, they can grow and incorporate new ways of being, which give them more choices in life.

This willingness to look at oneself and embrace new information can and does lead the couple to a level of intimacy that never would have been imagined at the beginning of the relationship.

same relationship over and over,single and looking, Women’s Issues

Do You Create the Same Relationship Over and Over With Different People? Here’s How to Change This!

Do You Create the Same Relationship Over and Over With Different People

I posted a new article on DailyStrength.org showing how to eliminate the core issues that cause us to recreate the same problems with each relationship. One way to unhook from old patterns that damage relationships is to use EFT(emotional Freedom Techniques)

http://www.dailystrength.org/health_blogs/susan-quinn/article/are-you-recreating-the-same-relationship-over-and-over-again-same-problem-different-guy-the-answer-is-to-heal-your-childhood-wounds