Fear of rejection is a big obstacle to creating a lasting relationship.
Rejection Fear comes from past hurts of being rejected. I’ve seen people carry around rejection fears from seeing other people rejected, so it doesn’t even have to happen to you to affect you deeply.
Until you release this pain or fear that got imprinted into your subconscious mind from past experiences you believe that you will be rejected. What you believe is what you will create. You will always choose people to reject you…In fact if they don’t reject you , will find a way to reject yourself…You’ll come up with something like ,” You don’t really love me, you just love what I do for you”.
Our deeply held beliefs drive all of our behaviors. Many of our beliefs are unconscious and the only way we can identify them is by looking at our behaviors. Strong feelings hold these beliefs in place.
We can change this by going to the memories behind our unwanted actions and then changing the feelings behind them. With the feelings changed the “drivers” are gone and we can imprint new experiences that we’d rather have in their place.
This powerful process for change is called FasterEFT. It is a relatively new process which I find to be really amazing in the results it gets.
The 2 most common blocks to having the relationships you want and how to eliminate them using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
The most common block to creating intimate relationships is one that we all feel at some time in our lives…
…the belief that we are not good enough to create intimate relationships we want or that we are not lovable enough to have someone of our choosing to love us. This can be healed by working with each limiting belief that we have acquired from painful experiences from childhood. I will explain how to do this in the next section when I talk about removing the emotional pull of impossible attractions.
The other thing that causes us to miss out on having a fulfilling relationship is that we are compelled to choose people who will bring us pain rather than pleasure. And you may be wondering why we would do that. It is an unconscious choice we make. We form an image in our mind in childhood of our ideal partner based on the good and bad traits of a parent. For example if you had a parent who was critical of you and no matter how hard you tried to please them they withheld love and approval from you, you may be attracted to partners who are critical of you and can’t really see your good traits.
Here’s an Exercise to find a negative trait from a parent that you were hutrt of affected by. Write down the most painful (to you) trait of one of your parents that had a strong emotional pull for you. It could be a critical and withholding parent, a violent or angry parent a parent who played the helpless victum role with you and you felt compelled to rescue that parent much of the time. If you spent much of your energy resuing and caretaking a parent who played a victim role, you will probably attract many victim types into your life. Playing the caretaking role can become very familiar and comfortable if you learned to play that role as a child.
Identify negative traits in your parents.
1. Identify the 1 or 2 negative traits that you suffered from the most with either parent. 2. Notice if your past partners had any of these traits. This can be very subtle but you will find these traits in people you have attracted into your life. I call these Impossible attractions.
To eliminate the pull of impossible attractions:
First Feel the pain of the wound from the rejection of a parent and use EFT to heal and release the old pain by tapping on the EFT meridians while simply feeling this old pain. Tapping on the pain moves the painful feelings through the body. Then use EFT with “inner child work” to give the wounded part the loving , compassion, and understanding it needed…repairing the original wound. When you release the pain and heal up the hole made by the original wound, you can stop attracting people who will re-injure that original wound, while hoping that they will meet those earlier needs that were un met.
Pain holds limiting beliefs about ourselves in place.
We want to learn to meet our own needs. The paradox here is that when we can heal our own pain and not depend on a partner to do it, we will have lots of partners who will want to do it for us. This type of self reliance is something people are very attracted to- it feels very free.
By using a tapping sequence for relationships you can lessen or remove your tendency to recreate the same impossible relationships, thud for releasing the blocks to finding and allowing in love. This works in part because it addresses all the obstacles that are causing the problem. Only after we have acknowledged something, can we change it. After acknowledging the problem then this process taps the negative beliefs with their accompanying feelings away.
Remove emotional pain quickly with a technique you can do yourself in just minutes. With skilled guidance, you can not only remove emotional pain quickly, but also remove physical pain quickly.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is one of the Energy Therapies for emotional release that Susan uses at her Los Angeles office. It’s short-term therapy, with clients reporting almost instant improvement.
Since this removes feelings that have caused low self esteem and depression, it is a tool everyone can use on an everyday basis to help with low self esteem, relationship problems, depression, PTSD, fear and anxiety disorders, eating disorders or debilitating negative beliefs, controlling-anger issues and more.
EFT works great with children.
I teach EFT to families so that each one can use it when they need it-because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing anxiety and other emotions. The most amazing thing about EFT is that clearing these fears removes scary and self-limiting beliefs that have been driving people their whole lives.
How to Do EFT
Emotional Freedom Therapy was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT).
EFT works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupressure, relief comes in part from stimulating the meridians. But instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80% of people achieve either noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem.
These methods work by triggering sub-cortical activity below the level of conscious control (in the amygdala and hippocampus). The intensity of emotional responses are also reduced. A body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits of EFT are real.
Remove emotional pain quickly – with a technique you can do yourself, one that you can learn in just minutes!
With skilled guidance, you can not only remove emotional pain quickly, but also remove physical pain quickly.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is one of the new EnergyTherapies that Susan Quinn employs at her Los Angeles office. It’s short-term therapy, with clients reporting almost instant improvement. Some report full recovery from emotional and physical pain. EFT is also helpful for removing the cravings of addictions such as alcohol and drugs.
Once she began exploring the new Power Therapies 15 years ago , Susan Quinn has been integrating EFT with EMDR and uses this combinations with children, adolescents and even with couples.
Works with Families and Children
“I teach EFT to all my clients, even children,” says Susan Quinn, “because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing anxiety and other emotions.The most amazing thing about EFT is that even in times when unexpected emotions arise, such as fear or anxiety, a person has a toolbox to use and knows how to reduce their fear.”
It doesn’t matter whether your goal is to remove emotional pain quickly or remove physical pain quickly. The short-term therapy of EFT can bring relief from phobias, depression, grief, rape, natural disasters, crime, childhood sexual abuse, post traumatic stress and more.
Although Power Therapy methods differ in emphasis and approach, all work by interrupting old habits and reflexes that were established around the painful incidents.
“The beliefs that have the most power are unconscious, so they have to be carefully teased out,” Susan Quinn says. “But these techniques provide tangible relief from the time they’re tried for most people.”
What is EFT?
EFT tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) belong to a family of therapies that offer clinically effective alternatives to traditional, long-term treatments. These Power therapies usually require 6 to 12 sessions to relieve symptoms and the results are usually permanent.
Each short-term therapy can remove emotional pain quickly, remove physical pain quickly, and provide noticeable relief from negative emotions and trauma by rewiring neural pathways in the brain.
The painful reactions are replaced with non-distressful, more appropriate responses. The client almost immediately experiences a reduction in intensity of the distress.
These methods work by triggering sub-cortical activity below the level of conscious control (in the amygdala and hipocampus). The intensity of emotional responses are also reduced. A body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits are real.Fortunately, a person doesn’t have to believe in these techniques for them to work.
How to Do EFT
Emotional Freedom Therapy was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT). A TFT therapist followscomplex tapping sequences (protocols) for numerous symptoms. By contrast, EFT taps on the same meridian points on the face and body for every problem.
EFT tapping works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupuncture, relief comes in part from stimulating the meridians. But instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80% of people achieve either noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem.
Remove Relationship Fears to Attract the Relationship You Deserve
Relationship Problems Answers
When to LeaveRelationships After a breakup or a divorce we feel more vulnerable in attracting a person with whom to have a relationship. I work with many women who feel that they are somehow flawed when a relationship ends. These feelings often keeps these women from trying to meet people or cause them to fail when they do. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and it is a wonderful energy therapy that is simple and easy to learn. Its purpose is to move fear and other negative emotions through and out of the body.
In EFT we tell the body what feelings we want to reduce by acknowledging them and then deleting them. This is similar to the way we highlight and delete text on a computer. We acknowledge our feelings by using this formula, ” even though I have this (fear, sadness..etc.) I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” This sentence is repeated three times as we tap our hand on the Karate Chop point.
Step 1: Karate Chop Point and “Even Though” Statements
The Karate Chop point is below the little finger and it is along the side of the hand. Once you have found the Karate Chop point, start tapping at this point and repeat after me:
Even though I often feel unworthy of having a loving intimate relationship, I want to completely accept myself anyway.
Even though I feel unlovable, I completely accept myself now.
Even though, I don’t feel like anyone would stay with me if they really knew me, I want to deeply and completely accept myself now.
Step 2: Tapping Around the points on The Face to Reduce Negative Emotion and relationship fears
This step requires us to acknowledge negative feelings, thus as we tap we are must highlight these negative emotions.
Now tapping on the inside corner of the eyebrow “EB” and repeat after me: I don’t deserve to have someone I would want to be with.
Next find the outside corner of the eye “CE” and repeat after me: “A great person wouldn’t want me.”
Next find the area under the eye “UE” and repeat after me: ” I am only attractive to loosers.”
Next find the area under the nose “UN” and repeat after me: “I’m afraid if I meet someone good they will find out that I’m flawed.
Finally, find the collar bone “CB” and repeat after me : It’s pointless to even try because all the good ones are already taken anyway.”
Step 3: Acknowledgement of Positive Thoughts and Feelings
By now we have already acknowledge out negative feelings. Now we want to reduce and replace those thoughts with positive ones.
Start by finding the top of your head, “TH.” Ones you find it, repeat after me: What if a good person was able to really love me after all?
Under the arm “UA” (Take a moment to inhale deeply here): What if someone desirable was able to love me?
Next find the eyebrow, “EB” then repeat after me: what if that could really happen once or twice or even three times? (Keep tapping ) Is it possible?
What if they could like me with all my faults and negative traits?
What if they actually liked my negative traits? What if I actually enjoyed the things about them that they didn’t like ?
What if they found my negative traits delightful?
What if they accepted all my shortcomings and I accepted theirs as well.What if they wanted me even thought I have all these challenges?
What if they were accepting of their own problems and mine as well?
What if I could see beyond their frailties and challenges and they could see beyond mine as well?
What if I could accept their challenges and quirks and could see their spiritual being?
What if I could love their soul and we could just simply love each other in pure acceptance?
Isn’t that what we all want anyway?
If you do this tapping sequence every day at least once you will change the beliefs that you have about yourself thus enabling you to have the relationship you deserve and desire.
Recent years have seen the development of a family of therapies that offer clinically effective alternatives to traditional, long-term treatments. These Power Therapies only require one to three sessions, but the results are usually permanent. Each of them provides noticeable relief from negative emotions, pain, and trauma by “rewiring neural pathways” in the brain.
It doesn’t matter whether the pain suffered is physical or emotional. These methods bring relief from fears and traumas such as: phobias, depression, grief, rape, natural disasters, crime, childhood sexual abuse, and post traumatic stress. Although their methods differ from each other in emphasis and approach, Power Therapies all work by interrupting old habits and reflexes that were established around the painful incidents.
Painful reactions are replaced with non-distressful ones. These methods work by triggering brain activity below the level of conscious control. Emotional intensity also goes down. Relieving lifelong problems in moments seem to defy logic. But a body of documented scientific studies prove the benefits are real. Fortunately, a person doesn’t have to believe in these techniques for them to work.
How does EFT work?
EFT is Easy Enough for a Person to Learn to Do in Minutes
It doesn’t matter whether their pain results from something recent or from long ago. Or whether or not the cause is known. EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) works on both the emotional level and the physical level. The mind focuses on the pain or problem at the same time that another response is introduced, whereby a neutral response replaces a painful one.
Everyone suffers from self-limiting fears to some extent. But some people are paralyzed by them. From my experience, the most powerful fears are the unconscious ones. During the tapping sequence with my clients, after one fear gets cleared, another one comes up to be healed.
Once people learn how the tapping is done, it’s simple enough for them to use on themselves whenever they sense fear or pain. Find more information at my website, or at Gary Craig’s extensive EFT website, http://www.emofree.com He offers a free, downloadable instruction manual on that site, with tons of how-to and case studies.
EFT Always Taps Exactly the Right Place.
It was developed by Gary Craig, who simplified Roger Callahan’s revolutionary Thought Field Therapy (TFT). TFT therapists follow complex tapping sequences (protocols) for numerous symptom categories. By contrast, EFT taps on the same meridian points on the face and body for every problem.
Rather than focusing on the traumatic memories (as with most talk-it-out therapies), EFT addresses the true cause, the disruption of the body’s energy system. It’s unnecessary for a person to relive the painful memories.
EFT Tapping works directly on the energy points (meridian system) of the body. Like acupuncture, relief comes (in part) from stimulating the meridians. Only, instead of needles, the person’s meridians are tapped with the fingers. Whether EFT is performed by a therapist or self-applied, over 80 percent of people achieve noticeable improvement or complete cessation of the problem, through EFT Tapping Points.
EFT Applies the Same Steps to Any Negative Emotion
Craig’s system is based on the concept, “The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.” He reasons, since every negative emotion has the same cause (an electrical disruption – a “zzzzzt”) they can all be relieved in a similar manner. It’s unnecessary to focus on diagnosis (or delve into the old wounds) to be successful with EFT.
EFT Simplified Sequence:
1. Identify the problem 2. Apply the Basic Recipe 3. Relief – Complete; Partial; None 4. Test and re-apply if necessary 5. Apply Adjusted Basic Recipe
Each element must be performed precisely as described, and in the proper order. Every round of tapping takes about one minute. Tapping can be done by either hand, on either side of the body. Tap solidly with the index and middle finger on the each tapping point about seven times.
The Basic Recipe Starts with the Setup
The person starts by identifying their fear, negative emotion, or trauma.
The Setup Sentence
“Even though I have this __________, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Fill in the blank with a short phrase about the problem being addressed, for example: “anger toward my father” or “nightmares.” Sometimes a person can’t “accept themselves,” so we might tap on just that at first – as in, “Even though I can’t accept myself for this and I hate myself right now, I am willing to be willing to accept myself.”
Repeat the statement out loud three times, while simultaneously tapping the “karate chop” point on the side of the hand (or two specific points on the chest). The “karate chop” point (abbreviated KC) is located at the side of the hand about an inch below the baby finger. Vigorously tap the point with the fingertips of the index finger and middle finger of the other hand. While either hand will work, it’s usually most convenient to tap the KC of the non-dominant hand with the fingers of the dominant hand.
This is followed by the Sequence of tapping again. Modify the Setup statement, based on the new issue(s) that might present itself. Then tap another round. Do as many rounds as necessary until the problem is gone. That may require several sessions.
Example of a Client Session
For my clients, I combine EFT with hypnosis and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing – another Power Therapy). Treatments are custom tailored to each person’s particular needs. My success rate is over 80% of clients reporting 60% to 100% reduction of symptoms after treatment.
PROBLEM: A woman in her 30’s is afraid to have some mandatory surgery. She’s terrified of them putting the anesthetic tube down her throat, as in a previous surgery.
FEELING or BELIEF:” I will choke to death” (the belief). FEAR is the feeling. On a scale of one to ten, she rated the fear a ten, as she recalled the last operation (when she thought she was choking from the tube).
First, EMDR (another Power Therapy) lowered the fear. She said after processing with the Eye Movements that the fear went down to a level seven. The belief was, I will be alone (and die that way).
EFT Tapping Points:
When we started EFT Tapping, I had her tap the set-up point on the hand and say with me three times: “Even though I am afraid I will be left alone to die, and that I am helpless, and I judge myself for having this fear, I completely accept myself right now.”
We did one round of tapping on “This FEAR.” Then she reported feeling cold and alone. She remembered a skiing accident when she was lost in the snow for a few hours (where she felt she was surely going to die alone).
We tapped on different aspects of this incident for several rounds. Then she recalled other fears she’s had in her life, which we tapped on. Then we tapped on the humiliation she’s felt for having certain fears. Events that are attached to the same feeling (this type of fear) all come up, one after another.
After we had tapped on each one until it was gone, she measured her level of disturbance around that issue. It was now down to a two. We tapped on “this remaining fear” and it came down to a zero.
Then she made a deep sigh, and her face registered a sense of relief and peace. The new belief: “I am strong and have survived many things that would kill most people.” We tapped this belief in with several rounds. This strengthens the belief even more.
What was the process?
We went back to the memory of the FIRST operation, where she got her tube phobia. She focused on this memory (and checked inside her body for the feeling that went with it). She reported she felt no fear at all.
I had her “run a movie” in her mind of this first operation, from beginning to end; and at the same time, she was to monitor her body for any feeling of fear. I asked her to tell me if she felt any sense of fear as she recounted the experience in detail. At one place in her story, she felt fear of about six. After several rounds of tapping on this, the fear went to zero. We then repeated this process with her “running a movie” of the original experience in her mind. This time she got all the way through the story with no feelings of fear. At the next session the fears were at zero as well.
Two later sessions Future Paced how she’d deal with the surgery with her family and office mates. Future Pacing is a way to create the behavior we want to have in a future situation, through imagery enhanced with EMDR and EFT.
What happened after the session?
She called me several months later to report that she’d gone through the surgery with very little fear. When she felt some fear, she tapped on it using EFT. And it went away. She was grateful for the work we did, because she was also able to ride the train to San Diego with her husband (something she’d never been able to do).
Eliminate Everyday Fear and Frustrations as they Arise
The most amazing thing about EFT – clearing these fears removes scary and self-limiting beliefs that have been driving a person their whole life. The beliefs that have the most power are unconscious, so they have to be carefully teased out. EFT can even be used with relationship issues.
I teach these simple-to-learn EFT techniques to all my clients, including children (who are very good at this) because I think it’s a wonderful tool for managing their anxiety and other negative emotions. People who learn to discharge their fears right away are pleased to discover they don’t have to be afraid of them any more.