unconscious programming, unconscious habits,program

Why wait for January to loose those final unwanted pounds permanently- the key is to change your mind about food

Why wait for January to loose those final unwanted pounds permanently.  What if you could gradually begin now to change your uncoscious attitudes toward food?  I’m not suggesting that you change your eating now because the first part of this amazing program is that you don’t deal with food at all in the beginning.  This is about changing your unconscious programming that controls not only your eating habits but all habits.

Habits by definition are unconscious so therefore they will only be changed by processes that work with the unconscious mind.

Most people who want to weigh less say that they are doing it too raise there self concept or feel better about themselves.

A more empowering idea is to change your feeling about how much control you have over your life and your habits and that will not only make you feel energized and inspired and ultimately happier and more fullfilled , but it will also make you release the unwanted weight as a by-product.

So I am forming a group for people ( including myself ) who want to release those same stubborn 5-15 or 20 pounds that they have been struggling with for many years…maybe their whole life.  This comprehensive program deals with craving reduction and  unconscious programming causing us to put on and keep unwanted pounds.

Do you know anyone who would be interested in a program like that?  If you do, please send them this blog post and stay tuned for more information on this program which will be presented in future blog posts here.

Relationship Success

Relationship Success Depends on our Unconscious Agreements

Unspoken agreements are the agreements that we do not speak, but they play out in our lives. They are agreements that we make with ourselves, another person, or group as a way to get love, attention, or to feel safe.

From the time that Kathy married Bob, she took the back seat in their interactions by trying to please him and not focusing on her needs or her growth. His needs were the priority for both of them. He was a successful accountant who worked very hard to move up in his accounting firm. She stayed at home because that was what he wanted her to do.

He never asked her what she wanted to do. When she would praise him or do things to enhance his career and his social standing in the community, he would show satisfaction with her. For the first eight years of their marriage, her purpose in life was to get his approval. The unspoken agreement was “I’ll be lesser than you and in exchange, you will love me”.

As time want on, Kathy became stronger and more aware of her own value as a person. She realized that she wanted a career for herself and enrolled in a PHD program in psychology.

This brought about a change in their relationship causing cracks in the bridge. A relationship is a bridge. Dr. Bruce Fisher, in his book “Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends,” compares a relationship to a bridge. The relationship is the horizontal part of the bridge that connects two people who are the foundations of the bridge at either end.

The foundations must be strong to support the bridge. If one of the foundations shifts or changes then the bridge develops cracks. If not dealt with, these cracks will result in the breakup of the relationship.

Change is always happening as long as we are alive. If you deny, or resist these changes the relationship will either become strained and lose the good feelings which were there in the beginning, or it will break apart.

Each person must work on his/her own personal growth to have a healthier relationship with self. He/she also needs to understand the needs of the partner. Then the couple must work out which needs they want to meet separately and which ones they want to work out with their partner. This is a main reason why people end relationships and is something that CAN be worked out.

If you don’t take responsibility of meeting some of your needs, you will end up blaming your partner for your unhappiness and failing to support your partner in their pursuits. It doesn’t have to end this way

The paradoxical fact of relationships is that we pair with people who express our opposite or complementary tendencies. For example, Kathy and Bob had a pattern of Giver/Taker as the way they related to each other. That worked well at first, but when Kathy shifted what she wanted, she broke the original agreement.

These agreements are not spoken and certainly are not conscious, but they are fastidiously acted out in the daily life of the couple. This shift in her foundation of the bridge caused irreparable cracks in their relationship and they divorced.

It doesn’t have to end this way, although this is what we see much of the time. If both people are willing to look at what they expect and the roles they have been cast in from childhood, they can grow and incorporate new ways of being, which give them more choices in life.

This willingness to look at oneself and embrace new information can and does lead the couple to a level of intimacy that never would have been imagined at the beginning of the relationship.

same relationship over and over,single and looking, Women’s Issues

Do You Create the Same Relationship Over and Over With Different People? Here’s How to Change This!

Do You Create the Same Relationship Over and Over With Different People

I posted a new article on DailyStrength.org showing how to eliminate the core issues that cause us to recreate the same problems with each relationship. One way to unhook from old patterns that damage relationships is to use EFT(emotional Freedom Techniques)

http://www.dailystrength.org/health_blogs/susan-quinn/article/are-you-recreating-the-same-relationship-over-and-over-again-same-problem-different-guy-the-answer-is-to-heal-your-childhood-wounds

Failure to launch, Family Therapy

Failure to Launch : When adult children live at home- what can be done?

Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch

Many adult children are coming back home to live with their parents after college. Some do this on a temporary to set up their their next job or internship.  Some, however fall into a comfort zone and loose their focus on their future. Beginning in the 20’s a child needs to thing about the future and strategies on what path to take for the rest of his life.  Having a concept of the future is an important part of development as is taking risks.  The failure to do this leads to low self esteem and sometimes depression.  The longer it lasts the more hopeless your child may start to feel. What can parents to to help their adult child to launch ?

  • Make some rules and requirements of your adult child, such as paying rent, having a job, contributing to a savings account, working out, helping with home duties.
  • Help your adult child to resolve any emotional issues they may have.  Psychotherpy that is goal oriented is often helpful.
  • Forbid drugs and alcohol use while they are living with you.  These things lower motivation and self esteem.
  • Setting up structure with small achievable goals leads to feelings of mastery which naturally leads to more confidence in taking on new tasks and jobs

Above all, don’t feel guilty for making demands on your child because this will help him feel like he can succeed. focus

Stress relief Los Angeles, anxiety disorder, feel anxious

The Causes of Anxiety Disorders and How They are Maintained

anxiety and depression

Stress causes tension and anxiety

Some of the childhood circumstances that may cause a person to develop Anxiety Disorders.

  • Parents are overly concerned with safety.  If parents are constantly over cautious and fearful about danger in everyday events this can cause a child to be afraid to explore and will view the world as dangerous.
  • Excessive criticism from parents often makes a child feel insecure and dependent.  If the child feels overly dependent on the parents approval and this approval is withheld this sets up an over reliance on a safe person and can later changes to a safe place this can lead to agoraphobia.
  • Parents discourage expression of feelings and assertiveness in asking for needs to be met. If a child is shamed or humiliated for the way he expresses himself or for getting angry he will often try to hold his feelings in which causes anxiety and depression.
  • Stress also  causes tension and anxiety.  When cumulative stress builds up,  people can start to have panic attacks.

Anxiety disorders are maintained by the following

  • Avoiding the situations that cause anxiety
  • Anxious self- talk
  • Negative and self limiting beliefs
  • Denying your feelings
  • Lack of assertiveness and expression

There are many ways to treat anxiety disorders including EMDR, cognitive therapy, cognitive rehearsal, hypnotherapy, exposure therapy, EFT, Imagery desensitization,  and systematic desensitization.

Relationships, Individual Therapy Services

Break Free From Impossible Relationships

We create impossible relationships by choosing people to meet our unmet needs from childhood. This sets up a vicious cycle of anticipation but then leads to disappointment. EFT is a way to remove the attractiveness of these impossible relationships so that we can choose relationships that are more likely to be successful.

To read my article about this EFT method, Break free from Impossible Relationships click here

EMDR Therapy, EMDR Technique

EMDR, A Powerful New Therapy for Relief From Trauma and Intrusive Memories

What Is EMDR Therapy?


EMDR is a powerful new therapy modality, and is becoming more widely used by therapists.

As more and more people have experienced its ability to help them change painful emotions and self-limiting beliefs, EMDR therapists and EMDR Clinics are using this therapy for people dealing with everyday challenges.

With this EMDR Psychotherapy modality, people are finding that they don’t need years of therapy.


EMDR

EMDR, or “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing” was first developed in the late 1980s. It originally was used in PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) to desensitize memories and flashbacks from traumatic war experiences. People who had been in therapy for years with no success in desensitizing their Viet Nam war scenes, found relief with this type of therapy in a short amount of time. It then became widely used in disaster situations such as the Oklahoma City bombing of the Federal building where it was used with the surviving victims and their family members.

Not everyone has had major trauma in their past, but we all have had hurtful experiences growing up, as a part of life. These experiences cause us to develop certain beliefs about ourselves, and what we can accomplish and expect from life. As I use EMDR with clients, I find that many of the limiting beliefs a person has about themselves disappear, because they were based on these hurtful experiences of the past (formed by the child that existed then). Once the pain around these experiences is desensitized, they are free from the limiting cognition, or belief that they formed about themselves as a result of that belief. They now get a more realistic, and adult belief about the self, because the emotional charge which held the original, child view of the self, in place has been removed.

 Trauma and Intrusive Memories

What is the EMDR Technique?


So how did this new modality of psychotherapy come about? A psychologist in Northern California, Francine Shapiro,was walking in the park one day, thinking about something that was troubling her. She noticed at some point, that her eyes started moving spontaneously back and forth, and that this seemed to take the “disturbing quality away from the issue that was troubling her. She developed this further by working with war veterans and the astounding successes she had with them attracted much interest among psychological researchers.

Researchers believe that material which is too painful to be processed consciously is processed by the brain during REM sleep. What is thought to be happening with EMDR is that it is similar to REM (rapid eye movement) sleep processing, and that the eye movements move the material along, causing it to process through the brain/body, leaving the person free of the strong feelings that were originally attached to the trauma, opening a space for new perceptions about the reprocessed issue. It is also thought that the bilateral nature of the stimulation (across the midline of the brain) facilitates right brain-left brain communication.

These are the EMDR Tools used during psychotherapy:

There are about 40,000 licensed psychotherapists throughout the world who are trained in this procedure. Due to a wider public demand for this treatment, therapists are finding and developing more and more uses for this powerful therapy modality. I use it for self esteem enhancement, trauma resolution, anxiety, and depression, amd just about any issue people have, due to its effectiveness. I even use it to desensitize cravings for food and cigarettes.

In working with my clients, I find that it is essential to clear past hurts from the family of origin in order to have intimate, satisfying relationships with the people in their lives now. This process moves people along toward accomplishing their goal faster than anything that I have ever used. I take a developmental approach, clearing traumas from key past events and transition points in the clients life.

Here is an informational EMDR Video:

This is an EMDR video demonstration from the 20/20 TV show

EMDR Video

 

mindfulness meditation , self meditation

Mindfulness Meditation Changes your Brain Waves

Studies show mindfulness meditation increases compassion and peace


Do you think it is possible to change our brain from the inside? Is it possible that thought can rewire the brain? These are the questions that the Dalai Lama asked scientists a decade ago. He wanted to see how meditation affects the brain.

To find out, the Dali Lama lent his monks and Lamas to a study at the the neuroscience lab at the University of Wisconsin where 2 groupf of meditaors were brain monitored and measured; one group of novice meditators and one group of very experienced meditators(monks). They were all meditating on compassion and loving kindness toward all human beings.

Over time, the benefits of meditation causes cumulative effects.


The findings were that both groups had positive changes in the brain, but the experienced meditators had much more dramatic brain changes.  The greatest area that was activated and altered was the right insula and caudate, a network which underlies empathy and maternal love.

Meditation causes an increase in compassion.


The conclusion was that mental training makes it easier for the brain to turn on circuits that hold compassion and empathy.

Now scientists are learning more about neuroplasticity every day. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change its structure and function in response to experience.