Most couples have resentments that they are not even aware of which destroy the intimacy in their relationship.
In working with couples for 22 years in Los Angeles, I find that they become deadened to each other and the relationship over the years if they don’t put some effort into learning new skills.
Many couples come to me for marriage counseling wanting to put some passion and energy back into the relationship. They often say somethng like, “we have become like roommates, or ships passing in the night”.
This flatness in the relationship does not have to happen if the couple is willing to learn some new communication skills.
So what do couples need to learn to reignite the intimacy?
They need to learn how to give their partner attention, acknowledgement and affirmation. These are the things that couples often stop doing after they have been together for a while.
A new level of intimacy
I find that to get a couple back to a deeper level of connection I have to establish a strong base of support where each person agrees to be open to their own feelings and to those of their partner. This leads the way to expressing vulnerability. This takes some preparation but when a person can express vulnerability and have that accepted and acknowledged by the partner a new level of intimacy is introduced into the relationship.