If you think back over all the relationships you have had what stops you from creating a good relationship, one that you really want?
I think that the biggest obstacle to having a good relationship is the fears and hurts that got imprinted on us in childhood. Those hurts simply don’t go away on their own.
Because we are so vulnerable in childhood the pain of hurtful experiences becomes a template for how we choose adult partners. What this looks like is that if you had a parent who was critical of you and couldn’t acknowledge your value you will likely pick partners who are critical and you will be continually trying in vain to please them and get their approval.
The worst part of this is that until you heal that part of you that was hurt by this you will probably keep picking people who cant appreciate or love you.
Another example of this is the person who grew up in a family where a parent leaned on the child and expected him/her to take care of him/her. When this child grows up he/she will keep being attracted to people who “need” them or takers. People who are extreme takers can never be satisfied with what you give them. We call them “never enough-ers”
If you can understand the dynamic that damaged you in childhood, and you heal the hurt that was inflicted on you, you won’t be continually hooking up with people who are unable to give you love.
2 ways eft removes this negative pattern:
- EFT tapping therapy can remove this hurt. Tapping moves painful emotions through the body. When the painful emotion from a childhood event where you were hurt, scared or humiliated is eliminated the belief that you are defective is no longer there.
- When we are hurt in childhood a part gets frozen. the part that holds that pain. Because this part is frozen in the past it keeps itself from getting love and healing. EFT tapping can be used to enhance inner child work in a way that we can give the part what is so desperately needed. This changes a persons self concept t and enhances self esteem. Without the hurt and the belief of being defective a person can attract people who can love.